


Unusual Silence, Irrational Fear

by ChibiPanda



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Brotp through otp could be either, Fear, Friendship, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, mentions of depression, panicked thoughts, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 02:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15698175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiPanda/pseuds/ChibiPanda
Summary: When Kihyun doesn't wake him up; when Kihyun sleeps in longer than all of them; that's when Minhyuk's mind wanders.Kihyun gave no signs of life, buried beneath his mountain of blankets; no movement, no snoring, nothing. In some irrational spiral of fear, Minhyuk started to worry.  Worry that Kihyun 'wasn't' there anymore...that Kihyun 'was' gone.





	Unusual Silence, Irrational Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Who knows! Hope you like it <3

It wasn't unusual for Minhyuk to hear their manager come in the first time; waking up Kihyun and Changkyun who always slept somewhat lightly. It was unusual for Minhyuk to hear their manager come in a second time, mainly because their resident hamster would have woken them up by then.

So when their manager's voice rang out a third time, specifically calling on the two November boys, Minhyuk was confused.

Blinking against the soft lights of the bedroom, Minhyuk managed to roll off the bed – just catching himself before hitting the floor – and staggered to the bathroom. Hyungwon stared blearily at him, brushing his teeth, clearly struggling to stay awake as well. "Morning.” The younger mumbled sending flecks of toothpaste flying.

"Uh, yeah. Morning." Minhyuk's voice cracked with latent sleep. "Weird to see you up before me." He said smiling as he pulled his own toothbrush out of the dispenser. 

The younger gave a hum, jumping slightly as the sound of a pan falling rang in from the kitchen, "Heard that a lot this morning." he spat into the sink and with the back of his hand, wiped off the toothpaste that had spattered onto his chin. "Although, the others have mostly been surprised that I woke up before Kihyunie."

Minhyuk grunted questioningly – he'd forgotten that it wasn't Kihyun who'd woken him up. "I guess it's my turn," he too spat into the sink. Then cupped water into his hands and splashed his face. Shaking it dry while he added, "My turn to wake up our dear friend for a change."

"Sure, Sure." Hyungwon grabbed face wash from the countertop, "You do that. But Hyunwoo-hyung wanted to let him sleep. He seemed worried that Ki might be sick. It's rare he sleeps in."

"Oh yeah?" Kihyun hadn't seemed sick yesterday. He and Minhyuk had done another Vlive in the kitchen, and continued to joke around long after the filming had stopped – and though he wouldn't like to brag, Minhyuk was a Kihyun expert. "He seemed fine yesterday."

"Jooheonie pointed out that Ki went to sleep super early when I pointed out that he'd seemed fine yesterday," Hyungwon had paused washing his face to speak, left eye clenched tight as soap suds dripped from his chin. "Could have just not mentioned feeling unwell I suppose."

Minhyuk frowned at that, though it was a habit Kihyun had. The slightly younger boy had even kept quiet during their Fighter promotions; though they'd all caught on eventually.

Minhyuk gently smacked the other's back before exiting the bathroom and returning to the bedroom. He quietly grabbed a change of clothes and switched into them. Slightly uncomfortably he called out, "We have about forty minutes Ki." and with an unsure glance left for the kitchen.

"Morning."

"Ah, you're up. Is Kihyunie?" Hyunwoo questioned from behind a mug, likely filled with coffee.

The others were scattered around the kitchen, minus Kihyun. Hyungwon lazily popping grapes into his mouth, the two rappers dazed – looking off into nothing, Hoseok speaking quietly to their manager, and Hyunwoo, waiting for an answer, while leaning onto the counter with questioning eyes.

"No. Not yet."

"Hmm," Hyunwoo moved as though he intended to go check on their smallest member, but Minhyuk cut him off.

"I'll go wake him after I grab something to eat Hyung." Minhyuk watched as the leader settled again. He took a breath and walked towards the fridge, running his hands through the rappers' hair in greeting, Changkyun gave a deep grunt of appreciation (poorly concealed with a whine). While Jooheon quickly looped his arms around the thin man's middle, squeezed, and released.

"I know everything is running behind this morning. How about I go grab everyone some coffee; the good stuff? Alright." Their manager pat Hoseok on the shoulder and while standing added, "Make sure everyone is ready in about a half hour Hyunwoo-ah."

"Of course Hyung. Thank you."

Minhyuk paused and watched their manager leave the confines of the kitchen. Were they really running behind? The eldest November boy continued on in his search for food, musing that the ‘old’ man was likely correct.

The group was extremely lucky. Even after their collectively painful struggle to debut, the seven had managed to be great friends. Every day could be a struggle, full of hushed anger and indifference, but instead, it was more structured support and familial love.

Minhyuk blinked against the light of the fridge as he opened the door. Spending longer than he should, the singer pulled out the leftovers from the meal he and Kihyun had cooked the night before. Holding the bowl in his left hand, he fished their utensil drawer for a pair of matching chopsticks.

When he'd finally turned back towards the open room, Hoseok had joined the rappers – arm wrestling the youngest despite the early hour, Hyungwon had given up on breakfast now resting on folded arms. He could have been asleep, if not for the eyes narrowly watching the match taking place just across from him.

Bowl and chopsticks in hand, Minhyuk walked to their leader's side and mimicked the elder's actions by leaning into the counter.

"Ya! You can't cheat Kkungie!"

"You said I could get creative Hyung."

"I didn't say you could lick me." Hoseok made a sound of disgust while he wiped his damp hand on his pants; Jooheon cackling beside him.

"Do you really think Kihyunie is sick?" Minhyuk muttered stuffing a large bite of food into his mouth as he did.

Hyunwoo sighed sleepily, "I don't know. If he is though, go easy on waking him up."

"No biting either!"

"Okay, okay..."

"You know, the way he is to us when we aren't feeling all that well," Hyunwoo continued entirely unphased by the others.

"Of course Hyung." Even with his earlier threat, Minhyuk never intended to be mean to Kihyun. They bickered and bantered, but Minhyuk knew Kihyun would do anything for him; to be fair, Ki would do almost anything for any of them, but he'd do 'anything' for Minhyuk. And it went both ways. Minhyuk's love for the short vocalist was pure and vast.

He hated that people sometimes assumed he disliked the younger, or that they had somehow fallen out of friendship with each other. Kihyun laughed it off, laughed off most things that painted him in an unflattering light. But Minhyuk hated it. He and Kihyun were incredibly close and had been since they met.

Pulling himself back to the present, with the help of Hoseok's victory chant, Minhyuk noticed his bowl was half empty. Recovering it, he placed it down on the counter for Kihyun to finish later, "I'll go do that then Hyung."

Hyunwoo jumped lightly, startled by the comment, "yeah. If he is sick, let me know. We'll see if he can stay here today."

Minhyuk nodded pushing off the counter and returned to their bedroom. Normally by this point in the morning light would be flooding the hallway and rooms, but this morning the curtains had remained closed blocking it off – save for the few specks that managed to shine through the cracks.

"Kihyunie we only have twenty minutes or so, get up," Minhyuk called out as he pushed the slightly ajar door open fully. The taller singer pulled his phone out of his pocket and leaned against the wall, waiting. "Kihyun-ah, you need to get up," he called once more fiddling with a newly downloaded game.

Minutes later the screen flashed, indicating his defeat, and Minhyuk looked up again. Kihyun hadn’t even moved. Still buried under his mound of blankets; more than the other used, but then again the smaller was always cold. It didn’t help that their stylists often dressed the vocalist in loose clothes that allowed harsh breezes to brush up against his skin.

Minhyuk frowned, his earlier confusion now replaced with unease and mild concern. “Kihyun-ah.”

With a jolt, Minhyuk realized for the first time Kihyun wasn’t snoring. Something the younger did – regularly – sometimes soft and barely audible and others harsh and exhausted, but always noticeable. Minhyuk watched the lumps of covers, searching for movements; for life.

“You’re being ridiculous,” he muttered to himself; Kihyun ‘was’ breathing. Obviously he ‘wasn’t’ dead. Someone his age doesn’t just go to sleep and never wake up again. But what if Kihyun did? What if something was wrong last night and no one knew? What if his body simply stopped during the night?

Minhyuk tried to move forward, but his sudden spiral of panic prevented him from doing so; terrified what he might find. Under the covers, Kihyun – except not Kihyun, pale – ashen void of life.

“Stop…” Minhyuk shook his head as he tried again to be rational. What if last night was the last he’d ever get with Kihyun; no more laughter, no more comfort, no more Kihyun? The tears started to pool then. Minhyuk had never really thought about losing a friend, a member, but god...it hurt deep. And what if…

“Stop it,” the taller tried yet again, voice quiet and desperate. It was stupid; he was being stupid. Kihyun would laugh at him – will laugh at him as soon as he wakes up.

But what if he didn’t, and what if it wasn’t some accident. Kihyun struggled, quietly – lowly – underneath the surface, with self-worth, with self-hate; depression…what if…

“Kihyunie, we don’t have long until we need to go. You need to wake up.” Minhyuk’s own voice startled him; it wasn’t distraught or panicked, it was forceful and demanding.

A beat.

And then a high pitched whimper rang out from the bed.

Minhyuk felt a sudden rush, ears ringing, as though he’d dived off the high board into a pool of hot water.

The body, Kihyun, whined again as he sat up. The blankets fell softly off his back revealing his tussled nightshirt and messy hair.  Minhyuk eyed him, through steady tears, and saw the sleep filled eyes – the slightly flushed cheeks – the bare knees. “Kihyun-ah.”

Something must have sounded unusual with his voice because Kihyun’s body snapped awake. “Minie, what’s wrong?” The younger vocalist effortlessly crawled down from his bunk and over to his friend; who’d yet to pull away from the wall. “Minhyuk?” The smaller placed his hands on his friend’s shoulders.

Warm. Minhyuk realized those hands were warm; hot even. The elder jerked forward with a wet laugh and pulled Kihyun into a hug, a tight needy hug. “Nothing. It’s stupid. Really stupid.”

Kihyun clicked his tongue but returned the hug. “I doubt it’s nothing.” Sensing Minhyuk’s hesitation, he went on, “Is everyone else up then? Sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep in.”

“Are you sick?” Minhyuk pulled away; immediately placing his hand on Kihyun’s forehead, “You’re voice sounds horse. You need to speak up if you’re sick.”

“Min…calm down.” Kihyun pulled the other’s hand down, “My throat is a bit sore, but it’s not that big a deal.” The shorter cocked his head to the side, “Minhyukie, it’s nothing. What’s wrong?”

Minhyuk pulled his hand out of Kihyun’s grip and placed it once again on the younger’s forehead, frowning.

“Boys! Coffee is here! You got about ten minutes, max.”

“We’ll be out in a second Hyung,” Kihyun responded to their manager. His voice seemed unnaturally loud as he kept his head still, allowing Minhyuk to take his temperature. “Minhyukie. I need to get ready.”

 “Uh, right.” He dropped his hand, “If you’re sick, you should stay home today.”

Kihyun, who had moved away and quickly grabbed clothes out of the open closet and in haste partially changed, looked back at Minhyuk. The younger’s eyes were questioning, probing – he opened his mouth to speak, but Minhyuk interrupted him.

“I’ll go make sure everyone else is ready.” Minhyuk turned towards the door, surprised at how shaky he was. He wiped his eyes of the remaining moisture with the back of his hand in frustration, “pathetic.” He muttered as he reentered the kitchen.

Hyunwoo’s eyes met Minhyuk’s, waiting for an answer to his previous concern, but no sooner did Minhyuk enter the kitchen did Kihyun speed in from behind him.

“Morning. Sorry I slept in.” He walked passed the others, clapping Minhyuk and Hoseok on the arm as he passed, and went towards the fridge.

“On the counter Ki,” Minhyuk interjected, motioning to the food he’d left out.

“Thanks.”

Minhyuk felt a bit lighter seeing his friend’s smile.

*~*~*

Hours later, after a fan signing, a video shoot, and practice, Minhyuk thought his stupid hysterics would have long since dissipated. Yet now, laying in bed, unable to sleep, trying to pick out Kihyun’s breathing over Jooheon’s snores.

“Minie?”

The voice was low and quiet, but it startled Minhyuk all the same.

“Move over,” Kihyun’s voice broke slightly and Minhyuk could feel the signs of unnatural heat radiating off of him. “Scoot over Minhyuk.” The younger said again.

“Why?” though he did it anyway.

“Something’s wrong,” Kihyun slide under the covers and placed his head on the edge of Minhyuk’s pillow. “And whatever it is, it deals with me. So, here I am.”

Minhyuk saw the smaller shiver, “You are sick.”

Even in the light, Kihyun’s eye roll was visible. “We covered that this morning. Yes, I’m a bit sick.”

“Oh, right.”

“Minhyuk, what’s going on here?”

“It’s stupid…” Minhyuk muttered in frustration; it was stupid – totally stupid. “I just. I guess I’m stressed or something.”

“Uh huh,” Kihyun pressed and waited.

“I thought…ug, don’t laugh. But you weren’t up, and so quiet and I couldn’t think of a reason. If you were sick you’d of snored louder and I just…thought – god this is stupid. I thought you’d died. That you weren’t in that bed, that.”

“Hey, hey. Minhyukie, hey open your eyes. I’m right here.”

“I know, I know. It’s irrational. I just don’t know what came over me.”

Kihyun said nothing, instead just rubbing his hand up and down Minhyuk’s arm.

They didn’t discuss the reason, irrational or not, for Minhyuk’s fear. Nor did they speak again that night. Minhyuk drifting off in the warm presence of his friend.

“Idiot.” Changkyun’s soft voice wafted through the darkness, warm and caring. “Good night Hyung.”

“Night Kkungie,” Kihyun smiled as he snuggled closer to Minhyuk. “Sorry, Minhyukie.”

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of the story Minhyuk told about him briefly thinking Kihyun was dead because he couldn't tell if the younger was breathing >_< oh Minhyuk. If you liked it let me know <3 Thanks for reading.
> 
> (I'm working on a new editing system, I'm sorry if there are problems)


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